Saturday, August 14, 2010

We Can Give Too Much of Ourselves Away

Were you raised not to ever say "no" to your elders? Do you tend to want to please others? Does someone's anger at you make you cringe away from confrontation?

If any of these fit then you are probably struggling with giving too much of yourself away to others. It's not hard to do. When you think about it, it makes sense. If you have to always say "yes" to people's requests or demands on you, you will be always pushed for time, never able to take time for yourself or to just relax. You may develop resentments towards people and withdraw, creating an overly rigid boundary just so you don't have to face yet another request from someone.

Or, as a people-pleaser your needs are always secondary (or nonexistent) when compared to someone else's. Think resentments and frustrations would build up if you were always aware of what someone else wanted and never allowed yourself to be aware of your own needs, wants, or desires? I would.

And, heaven forbid that someone get angry. Chances are it would trigger our own anger and then things would get said and damage would get done. Regrets would build up and life would feel out of control.

Always giving to others can eat away at our very core. It begins by feeling like we don't know who we are because we haven't really ever spent much time with ourselves. We may be afraid of what we will find, not sure there is anything there, or not sure that we will like what we do find.

Regardless the fears, it is vitally important to not give too much of ourselves away. There is, of course, a balance to this dynamic. You don't want to give too much, but you also don't want to spend too much time on yourself so that you never experience a fulfilling relationship. YOU have to figure out what the right combination is for YOU, separate from anyone else. Though the work is hard, it is also extremely worthwhile.

So, be careful. Take a step back from all your activities. If this is hard to do, then take it one step at a time. A little hear and a little there can make for a good start in the right direction.

Regardless, do it. Take time to find out what you want (in ANY situation). What do YOU feel comfortable with? What don't you feel comfortable with? And, then respond accordingly. You have a right to say "yes". But, you also have a right to say "no". Become picky over where you will give your time and energy, and where you will not. Give your self permission to pick and choose. The people around you will adjust. It will make a big difference, after all, in keeping you from getting burned out, turning in to a crazed-beast when the straw breaks the proverbial camel's back. Who wouldn't want to keep that from happening???

Homework: Take a step back before you respond to requests. Get some time to reflect how you want to respond. Then, find an appropriate way to communicate it. Negotiate if you have to. But, also take care of your self FIRST.

No comments:

Post a Comment