Saturday, July 17, 2010

I Didn't Know I Had A Problem!

Becoming aware is both a challenge and a gift. We are capable of it, but at the same time we seem to resist it. Out of a defense mechanism? Because we weren't raised to be aware of what was going on with ourselves, let alone others? Regardless the reason for not being aware, the key to changing our lives is doing what it takes to open our eyes to what is stopping us from getting what we want, then focusing on what we want regardless. What stops us can include our motivations, limitations, and issues. Many times, it is only through others that we're able to see what these are only because we are too close to the issue, while someone else that (we trust) can have the necessary point-of-view to bring perspective.

1st - Explore what is bothering you. Begin by asking, "How am I feeling?" and "What is making me feel that way?"

2nd - Work towards increasing your insights and comprehension of self/personality/issues.

3rd - Begin to make changes that are in alignment with what you want to create.

When Roger walked in to my office I knew I was going to have my hands full. He was extremely intelligent when it came to ideas and concepts. He blew my mind, in fact, with his own version of human powers and what we are capable of accomplishing. However, he lacked the basic knowledge of how to live with others on a daily basis. The costs were obvious. He was not able to have a long-term relationship, and when he did he thought his job was to give himself over completely to her wishes. He was also not able to live with anyone because of simple things that he neglected to take care of or become aware of, such as cleaning up after him self or being quiet when someone else was trying to sleep.

Coming in to the sessions, Roger constantly spent time on his ideas, they were his escape from having to face the pain of life. As I began to ask him to share about his daily life, not showing the interest in the ideas, rather the content of his life, Roger slowly became aware of just how “out-of-whack” he had become. Before long, he realized that what he wanted (to be in a loving relationship) and what he was creating (disorganization, chaos, and lack of connection with others) were not in alignment with that goal. Thus, his discontent.

So, we went to the task of looking at what was needed to bridge the gap. And bridge it, he did. Before we knew it, Roger was using skills that made a difference and opened his eyes to how he was impacting his life. He began to use healthy boundaries both with himself and others, refocusing his energy on himself first - placing his needs in an equal level of importance as the woman's, and accepting him self as he is without negativity or harshness attached to his view. Roger also struggled with his sexuality, thinking that he was a bad person simply for having sexual feelings. He had to work hard to let go of this concept, not seeing it as the truth, and instead refocus his beliefs on that it was ok to be sexual when he was appropriate with his expression of it (not doing harm to self or others, etc).

He is still not yet in a long-term relationship, but Roger feels he is much closer to this goal, and in the meantime, much happier with himself.

Goal from this session: Explore, and then work towards increasing insights and comprehension of self/personality/issues.

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